Digital Divorce: Why my microwave and I are no longer on speaking terms

Dec 20, 2018 at 12:00 pm by Warlord720


It's over.

Almost as fast as a Vegas marriage.

I don't think the digital ink had even dried on the marriage certificate much less the article I wrote about Alexa and the microwave taking over the world one kitchen at a time.

Here we are a short while later and the two have some severe relationship problems.

There's no abuse. There's no harassment. No throwing of objects or fit filled tantrums.  

That's the problem.

There is nothing between them anymore.

There is no communication.

Like an angry couple they've stopped talking to each other so how is that ever going to work out?

And they've been through counseling.

At least the homebrew kind in the form of Google the problem and apply any solution found… which solved nothing. Except to prove I'm not the only one witnessing a communication breakdown in the relationship.

So… I decide it's time to do a product review on the Amazon site.

I gave the oven a 2 Star review whilst stating that being a decent microwave saved it from the dreaded one star. I went on to belabor the fact that I would have looked at other brands had I known the voice activation would fail.

I sent in the review and went on about the day.

I had already spent time looking online and jumping through various hoops while other people simply pushed buttons and got on with their life so yes… I could see the irony. Hell… I could bathe in it!

Then my phone rings… Seattle, Washington, it says. Don't know anyone there so I don't answer it. Too many scams calls to answer anything I don't recognize so I ignore it.

Then it rings again. Again, I ignored it.

The same number rings one more time and I think… oh hell no… it can't be Amazon customer service.

It was!

I confirmed this by checking my email and sure as death and taxes there was an email from Amazon customer service. Some nice guy named Jeremy had seen the feedback and wanted to know when a good time for them would be to call and sort out the technical problem!

Now, THIS is customer service. I wasn't at a time and place I could jump through more hoops so replied thanking them for following up.

All this for a microwave!

Ok… when you add the Alexa component it is no longer just a microwave.

What it is… to be fair about it… is a simple microwave burdened with an unnecessary layer of complication.

It hurt admitting that.

I got pummeled by some friends for being an Alexa junkie and complicating my life with her “help.”

I defended the microwave as a one would defend a lonely outpost surrounded by the enemy.

I was wrong.

They were right.

I lost this technological battle.

In the end, it was and is an unnecessary layer of complication. A burden that created its own problem. Thank goodness it had a keypad built in!

Again, in the interest of fairness, I was reminded by another Amazon service rep that I was still within my window for returning the microwave, which is nice, but the oven does work. I do need one and for $60 I'm not going through the hassle of returning a microwave. Particularly when you live in the middle of nowhere as I do.

No… I won't be sending it back unless it stops functioning as a microwave and yes… I will eventually take the time to sort out the problem.  

There is no digital divorce in WarLord Land. Only the dreary task of calling Amazon tech support and having the indignity of going through the steps (is it plugged in, is the clock flashing) to get a kitchen appliance going that my neighbors simply use.

M.D. McCallum, aka WarLord, is an international award-winning commercial graphics artist, 3D animator, published author, project director, and webmaster with a freelance career that spans over 20 years.  Now retired, M.D. is currently working part-time on writing and select character development projects. You can learn more about MD on his website

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